If you guys didn't know, my 17th birthday is coming up this 26th. If you don't care, it's fine, I understand.

This leads me to a compelling episode of me having so much thoughts on my life, right now. Just a year before the major milestone of turning into a young adult, "What have I accomplished so far?" was the question that I asked myself.

I realized that many things in my life are insignificant and requires a complete and major overhaul on my system of living as a human being. Nothing I've done so far has been really important or useful in many aspects. Surely my education has brought me some where but I find myself every single day, watching youtube videos and wasting my life (best period of life, as others would say) at the computer screen. It is not how much time I spend on it that matters, it is what I do. Which, as previously stated, just watching a lot of videos and browsing entertainment things.

This deviates into two additional questions, "Why am I doing this?" and "What do I benefit from it?". The answer to the first is that I am constantly trying to escape into virtual reality from all the stress and expectations of the real world. Especially with the Promotional Examinations coming up, the stress on me is basically stockpiled up to the level where I cannot get anything done. A small amount of stress is good but when there is more and more stress being put on me, instead, I try to escape from it. Escapism is a really cowardly thing in my view, it leads to zero productivity and basically you are benefiting no one. It is a behavior of me lying to myself. Coincidentally, it answers the second question.

In an event of me asking these questions, surely I mustn't just stop here and continue with the lifestyle I have now right? So, what can I do to change? There is a huge importance of me needing to change a few things, obviously the carefree system I have right now only leads to sloth and no productivity.

However, I started analyzing why I am doing this. One big point that stood out long ago from my conscience is that I have no aims in life, no goals. Sure I may have some projects that I want to accomplish but none of them are revolutionizing. There is no where I am getting and that is why there is zero motivation to study aside from peer pressure. Speaking of which, it seems I've gotten into the same pothole where I simply gave up pursuing my targets. I've spoken to Hui Jun for a few solutions and one of them was to just study and not to think too much about it. It works great for short terms but are hugely useless if you are going for a longer period of time.

From here, I've gone to ask myself, if I have any interests and why am I not pursuing them. There are interests in my life but have been hugely impeded by my parents. From my current standpoint, I've come to realized that what they say does not matter anymore because what I am doing for my own future is for myself and not for them, if they were to decide for me what to do, it simple would be me living what they want, not me. I want to be happy doing what I like in the future and not doing things that just aims for wealth or comfortable work conditions.
My interests:
Technology: I can tell you whenever I buy something I research so intensely its utterly stupid to go into the level. For example of buying a keyboard, you know you can just go into a store and grab one right? No, I go research into keyboards, what are the types that are out there. Rubber domes, scissor switches, mechanical switches. Having identified mechanical switches as the best, there are different kind of switches. MX Blue, Black, Brown, Red and Alps. After going through and learning about them, I chose brown. So now I have to dig into the brands that have them and the models, after that I go and find where I can purchase them and finally does so after a huge mental debate.

Reading: I love reading, I can read books so intensely fast because my reading speed is quite above average. I hit 400 wpm quite comfortably, 500 if I'm rushing. I buy tonnes of books and plan to add more, however, because of me watching so much videos lately I haven't been reading as much as I  would like to.

Writing: I've begun many small projects on writing stories. There is also another reason why I have this blog, to write about thoughts which I would never have.

Drawing: I admit I have, to some level, of innate talent at drawing. I can draw pretty well and it doesn't come from practice. How do you explain the 'A' in arts without even trying?

Thinking/Strategy games: I love Starcraft 2 as much as I love tetris. Which is primarily why I had a youtube account, to watch professional starcraft games. That has, sadly, degenerated into a time waste zone for me now.

So, basically I could aim for a degree in computer sciences or something similar. I potentially considered psychology before, I don't think I could sustain long in that career because interest is just in normal daily life and not too in-depth for it. However, I'm still not quite sure. Bottom line: I must study well so I can get into the course I want!

Which starts from now. What can I do to change? There are a few things I have to do. First of all, as the saying goes "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I need a plan, I never have a solid system to get down and revise, I just go with the flow, which is to just slack haha.

So, here is the plan:
For this week until the Promos start:
Monday: Geog
Tuesday: GP
Wednesday: Chem
Thursday: Math
Friday: Physics

Just keep revising for these subjects.

I'm also going to adopt the 25minute work-5 minute break. Every 4 cycles have a longer break. I'll need a timer for this...damn.

After the promos, I am going to put up a concrete schedule for school, revision and project time. I find myself really indulging myself during these project times, far more than the videos I've watching. For example, this blog post gave me great pleasure to speak my mind out. I've been less conservative than before and it actually lifts a huge pressure off my shoulders.

So does writing, in fact, it's a strain to the mind to think of what to write but also a great way to keep the mind active. Tetris and starcraft needs me to keep focus and remain calm, essential practice, as I lack those. Especially so for drawing. When I draw I go into a trance, I don't move, I don't hear anything, I don't think of anything except the pencil stroke, my thirst and everything is ignored. Just...drawing. The feeling is amazing. It's sort of zen-like for me.

Well, writing this blog post and realizing I need a better system for living gave me great motivation to actually go study. Hopefully, sustains for the weekend. If not, you'll see another long blog post very soon.

Go stressed self, just go study and show the cohort and friends you can do well! It's not that hard and you still have some time! GO GO GO GO GO!!!